Just a quick follow-up to yesterday’s post “Being Gay…“, following the comment my brother wrote. I suppose it is more in reply to my brother and could have just been a replied comment, but I suppose I really wanted to drive home the point that we, the gays, don’t decide to be this way… it in built into the wiring.
I guess that you don’t understand the displacement one feels as an outsider. You had your girlfriends during school, even your interaction with your peers was very different, you could laugh and joke about the way you were feeling during this time and the girls you liked. You could hold hands in the corridors, sit with one another during recess and lunch. You could go out to parties on the weekend and snog (and I’m sure other things) to your heart’s content. You could go shopping with your girlfriends at Penrith Plaza, celebrate valentines day.
I wasn’t a wallflower because that’s the way I wanted to be, I was shy and withdrawn because everything around me was telling me the way I felt was wrong. EVERYTHING around me was telling me that the way I felt when I was checking out the other guys in the school corridor was wrong.
My mind was asunder during adolescence, I felt jealous when I saw Nicola McCrory (sp?) with the guy named Owen (who incidentally lived just around the corner from us in Jamisontown). Owen was a surfy guy with blond hair and tanned skin. You and I used to ride our bikes home the same way as he did from school.
I remember sitting in a bath tub at Joanne Webb’s birthday party, with Joanne and Suzie Bryan, telling her how bad her boyfriend of the time, Lee (who went to Cambridge Park High), was for showing up, having a couple of beers then running off to another party. Telling her how she deserved better. But really, I thought he was hot.
From my year at school there are three confirmed gay guys and two lesbians (more assumed but not confirmed). Me being one of the guys, the other two being Stephen Spencer and Andrew Southers. THEY WERE MY TWO BEST FRIENDS AT SCHOOL! But we never talked about it. I never knew. So deep-seeded was the notion that everything about the way I felt was wrong that I couldn’t even broach the subject with my best friends.
Fortunately the world is different now. I look at YouTube and know that the Internet has had a great deal to do with the change.
The younger generation has a lot more freedom, but it’s still not as it should be. The day will come when being gay will be a non-event. In the same way you brought a girlfriend home and Dad welcomed her to the family (as if you were going to marry every one of them) will happen the same when guys bring their boyfriends home. But that’s still a while off yet.
I remember when I told Dad that I was gay he said he still loved me. He also said that he wouldn’t accept having my boyfriend come visit with me in Coffs Harbour. In the same conversation he told me to tell you to visit him more often, WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND.
To his credit, he did come banging on the bedroom door at 4am (the night of the conversation) to tell me he was an “asshole” and that if he was going to love me then he would of course like me to visit with my partner. And that was probably the happiest time of my life to that point.
But all those years of worrying that something was wrong with me, something that I couldn’t tell anyone at all… that was hell on Earth.
There are still young guys and girls being kicked out of home for coming out. There are countries in the world when young men are being hanged in front of cheering crowds for being gay.
The world is getting better, but it has a way to go.
So after that rant (which wasn’t such a quick follow-up at all) I guess my point regarding my previous post is: I’m not saying we should have gay sex discussed in schools. But homosexuality should be. Kids need to know the way they are feeling is not wrong. They should know they are normal. After all the way both you and I feel is the same. We just have different objects of our affection.
And you’re right, some parents are prejudiced, and won’t give their kids the right message. That is why education is important.
Telling a young adult about homosexuality isn’t going to make them gay.
And all those who insist that it is a “lifestyle choice” are implying that they have in fact made a choice to be heterosexual. Does that mean they have had feelings regarding homosexuality. I can tell you with all honesty I’ve never had feelings of heterosexuality so there was no “choice” for me to make.
Yikes that was a bit of a downer… sorry, but I needed to get it out there. Is this what group counselling is like?