Did you know I was supposed to be a teacher? I have had it planned since I was four years old. It wasn’t a child’s rambling, not a dream. At times I still yearn for the career I abandoned before it even began.
I made no conscious decisions that have me where I am today, somewhere along the way I realised the plans of a child had to fall by the wayside.
Quite possibly it was at same time I knew I would never be a father. At 11 or so I realised that two grown men could not have a baby together, another plan dashed. As certain as I was that I would be an excellent father, I was also certain that the process described to bring about conception was neither desirable nor applicable to me.
Never growing up did I think that I would have to couple with a female, I always preferred the other boys in the playground. Still stunned when people act with suprise at the fact that I have never even “pashed” a girl. Why would I want to?
So the life I live continues. I no longer make decisions about its direction. Living with the belief that fate has me in her steady grasp and has done an alright job so far.
I see you everyday as we pass on the street, going in opposite directions.
I don’t know you, never have and possibly never will. But, should we meet one thing is certain, I will learn more about you than you can ever know of me.
A glance in my direction, our eyes meet, a knowing smile appears on your face. Though I don’t know your name I know for whom you work, your uniform tells me that much. I wear plain clothes, no recognition of my place of work. We’re 0 for 1, my favour.
Should we meet you can ask where I work, that knowledge I have. Don’t, however, ask me who my real parents were, or why they felt they didn’t need me in their lives. Don’t ask me my race or religion, I really don’t know what they should be.
The moment has passed, behind me now you head into the day… Until tomorrow, when next we cross paths going about our separate lives.
It’s times like these I know the truth and say all it is I have to say!
It’s times like these I know how you feel and that’s all in the fray.
It’s times like these I know my mind and what it wants conveyed.
It’s times like these I know my peers who answer questions, else times evade.
It’s times like these I know my heart and all its deepest fears.
It’s times like these I know its secrets would cause naught but tears.
I often wonder, eyes are closed and what is in the dark.
That I alone am left to wonder what light is left to spark
I do not know your wisdom and more fear there is none.
I do not know your wheres and whys and fear we come undone.
She’s not fat. she is pregnant. Inside her form another human comes to life.
What an odd creature is man and his cousin mammals. Creation of another life… another soul, in the womb of the mother the child grows. Its dependence on her will continue for quite some time after birth.
Man, the greatest of all creatures who roam the earth is the most vunerable as a new-born.
In fact man remains the weakest species on the Earth. His form so fragile he should be labelled “Handle with care!”.
An elephant, lion, tiger, practically any other animal can live, procreate and die never needing to know more than their basest instincts. Man craves stimulation every minute of every hour of every day of his life. Even in a sleeping state his body will be aware of and react to external stimulation.
Recreation is not widely known in any other animal. Even a domestic cat or dog uses “playtime” as a way to enhance his instinctive skill.
Man needs to be more. Ever growing, ever evolving, ever seeking input. But why? At the end of the day, the result is the same.
He lived, he procreated and he died, it just took him a little longer than most.
Someone told me today that filling in an evaluation form was a waste of time because it is completely subjective. If you like the presenter you may mark high regardless. While I agree it is completely subjective after paying $1000.00 to hear the person speak you need to think of it this way:
If the talk was no good, not on topic and you walked out learning nothing, regardless of your feelings about the way s/he looks, talks or stares at you during the presentation, that speaker was bad, the presentation was bad and all you got for your money was a wasted day!
So subjective or not the evaluation sheets are required so you ensure those who follow get what you paid for.
The world is quiet tonight
It is the first time in a long while
That I have heard your breath as you sleep,
The rain falling outside our window
You’re somewhere dreaming, living another life
Am I with you? Do I exist in your dream world?
I hold you close to me, sleep is far away
My mind is clear and thoughts of our life together slip easily into focus
Your body so warm, so comforting, you shift in your sleep and I let you go
Do you dream about me, as I dream about you?
In my dreams I have held you a thousand times as you sleep.
Listening to you breathe and wonder, in your other life, do you dream about me?
The sound of the rain dulls my mind, I feel my thoughts slipping away
As I fall into my other world, one thought remains,
I love you here, I love you there
And I dream about you.
I dreamt of him again last night. No longer tormenting his purpose now he believes is to provide comfort. But surely he understands, how I can be scared just at the site of him.
I believe him when he tells me all is now good, I trust him with my life. I see now, in hindsight that his very reason for being was a defense and no malicious intent existed!
After all how scary can one 13 year old boy be. Especially when he is little more than a dream.
Nathaniel, or Nate as he now likes to be known, says that he has now reached a place of peace. Happy to rest with-in along with the others that share this existance.
A long time ago we learned to stop saying we! And now I fear more & more that one day I will be I for good. Do they not know how I need their collective mind. Perhaps through their healing my own begins.
Nate is a smart boy, at 13 he has lived. That I suppose is yet another thing I regret. Though almost 11 years have past since Nathaniel arrived he remains the same age as the day he joined the crew. I will grow old & will no doubt forget his witt, wisdom & courage. Nate has kept me alive all these years & in this writing I hope to return at least a little for all he has been for me.
Being we is something that we have never questioned, though I have not always been this way the joining was something that seemed to complete me. Filling a void, carressing the inner me that no one ever had access to.
How many are we, we don’t know. All I know is that each of them has become part of me.
Do not live in the belief that you as a human are all powerful, rulers of this earth and kindred of God.
Just because you are the only species who can write the word of God, does not mean you are the only one who hears it.