Being Gay… please read.

This is probably one of the hardest posts I’ve ever started to write, but I know once I get going it will all flow.

Partly spawned by a video on YouTube that is protesting changes to UK legislation that will introduce homosexuality as part of the sex education curriculum. The video has an enactment of what the people who created it wants you to think is going to happen in schools if the legislation passes.

They present a teacher telling a group of (maybe) six year olds about gay sex, and that everyone is bisexual… and that if you don’t agree with it you’re homophobic and that makes you bad.

They say that “trick camera work” was used so the kids weren’t actually subjected to the information, but do you know what, those kids were still USED against their will. Those kids have no understanding of how their image is being used to promote the stupidity of the video’s creators. I just hope some of them grow up and sue the makers for abusing their rights like that.

And now let’s get serious, the legislation isn’t talking about introducing the gay Karma Sutra into the classroom. And as much as some people would like you to believe it, being gay isn’t all about SEX, SEX, SEX.

Being homosexual is the SAME as being heterosexual and for a lot of people in the world, even the sex part is the same. I mean it’s not like heterosexuals never have anal sex. Now that we have the sex part out of the way.

Being homosexual is also about LOVE, COMMITMENT, TRUST, TRUTH.

There are those of us who seek out our perfect partner and settle down as a couple. There are those of us who whore it up and remain single bed hoppers. There are even those of us who want the best of both worlds and cheat on their partners… and please note when I say US in the sentences above, the term applies to both homo- and heterosexuals don’t kid yourself thinking otherwise.

Some gay people look to the scientists to find out WHY we are gay, some anti-gay groups look the scientists to see if they can STOP people being gay.

Some anti-gay groups will tell you that being gay is a lifestyle choice that has been made by the individual.

I will tell you, from first hand experience, that gay is how I was born. If there is a god then the Christian fundamentalists who would have me locked away, or sent to a degayafacation camp or killed MUST believe that it is their god that made me as I am.

I made no choice, and I was given no choice. How can one choose to be gay? People of my generation, and the generations that came before, grew up being told by parents, peers and media that the way we feel is wrong. Yet contrary to all of the stimuli that was around me, I was still attracted to the male of the species.

I remember watching shows because of the actors. As a kid I watched “Silver Spoons” for Ricky Schroder, “Our House” for Chad Allen and “Who’s the Boss?” for Danny Pintauro (all right for Mona too cause she was fabulous). The big thing about this is, I was somewhere between 10 and 15 when these shows were on the air. Another interesting note, two of the three actors are actually gay*!

I was friends with the girl across the street in Koomooloo Crescent, Mandy Bonner… but I’ll be damned if I wasn’t over there just to be around her older brother Paul. I’m pretty sure we moved out of Shalvey when I was about 11!

How different would my adolescence have been had I known that the feelings I had were okay? It’s a question I’ve asked myself and while I would never change my life now (I’m very happy with the way it has turned out) I would like to know that a new generation of young gay men and women are growing up, and will never have to ask themselves the same question.

Since coming out at seventeen, I’ve never hidden who I am, if someone asks a question I answer it, openly and honestly, no matter what the question is. Two reasons for this;

  1. They ask the question with the true and honest desire to understand and become better informed,
  2. They ask a question in the hope it embarrasses me and makes me feel uncomfortable,

Either way by being honest with the question asker and myself I know I’m doing the right thing.

I’m not asking for tolerance, because for you to tolerate something implies that you have to power to stop it, but you let it persist. I’m not asking for acceptance, because to accept something it implies that you’re having to take something on as your own. I’m asking that you live and let live. That you do with your life what you will, that you enjoy it… you only get the one, why waste the time trying to bring someone else down?

Of course it goes without saying, but I’m going to anyway, that in living and enjoying your life you should not impede anyone else’s enjoyment of life, cause no one else harm.

It’s hard to write about this stuff when you know your family reads your blog… and this is definitely a rant that has been a long time coming from me, so I thank you all for your indulgence and for those of you who made it this far, thanks for sticking with me and reading all the way to the end. It’s incomplete, I have so much more I want to say… perhaps another time.

Thanks for your time. I leave you with this Public Service Announcement from Norway.

*Guess my gaydar was working even way back then!

11 thoughts on “Being Gay… please read.”

  • Hi, I don’t agree there should be any homosexual education in schools or heterosexual education for that matter. The intricacies should be taught at home, in an ideal world. The science of how babies come along is fair enough but even that should be taught at home.

    What I do believe is that if a child asks, they should get an honest and open answer without personal bias or politics involved no matter the sexual subject, no matter their age. They should be informed, not preached to. I know there are a lot of prejudices in parents and I guess my beliefs will not happen in the real world.

  • @Corey, thanks for reading and yep, Live and Live should be the one rule taught to all children above everything else.

    @Jillbri… but Brother you must understand that some of us have no drive to procreate and while the science about how babies come along is taught in biology, jeez I even had to watch actual human birth tapes during bio class.

    Alright now I have a new blog post… thanks for the inspiration.

  • Nicely done Mr Tyroga :)

    I agree on every count, and am the same as you, I don’t hide who I am, and I answer honestly every time, and each time I’ve answered have been pleasantly surprised by the reaction. In most cases the moment someone realises you’re just like them the whole idea of one’s sexuality becomes a moot topic.
    Even if I do have a partner who when caught off guard when asked who the man he’s with is and answers “my friend”… *slap slap* I’ll never let him live that one down.

    Keep up the good work. As always you’d get my vote. I’ll even be your PR Manager. ;)

  • hey j,
    i’m a good friend of simon’s and i met you a few times back when he was working with you at b. – i read your blog now and then and your twitter feed too.

    man, i appreciate your honesty and transparency with who you are, it’s a powerful thing to cut open your chest and bear your heart to the world. thanks for the courage.

    two things i just wanted to throw in the mix:

    1} when you say:
    “i will tell you, from first hand experience, that gay is how I was born. If there is a god then the Christian fundamentalists who would have me locked away, or sent to a degayafacation camp or killed MUST believe that it is their god that made me as I am.”

    J, i am a “christian fundamentalist” – that is if you mean that i believe in orthodox christianity and i hold to the fundamentals of the biblical faith. {and i guess you can throw simon on that list too – but i am not speaking for him}
    i wish you no harm whatsoever, i do not judge you or believe ANY christian has the right to judge you. i think that the government/society/the state treats homosexuals as second class citizens and i think that is wrong by their own set of morals. how can they “accept” homesexuality, even celebrate it and then turn around and deny civil rights and legal standing… quite hypocritical…
    anyone who reads the bible sees that Jesus taught us to love everyone as we want to be loved, He also taught us that He ALONE is the “judge”, and His judgement is perfect… so i don’t have to stress about what people do.

    anyway i say all of that to say to you, treat me and other christians with the love and respect you want too…. i feel that as a christian i am open season for attack and ridicule by the media and by a lot of “left” folk…

    2} crying foul about an anti-homosexuality youtube clip using kids and THEN using a pro-homosexuality youtube clip using kids…. sorta takes the wind out of the sails of S.S. Argument.

    anyway J,
    peace, respect and much love to you in the name of Jesus,
    your friend;
    darren “djp” paine

  • Hey Darren,

    Thanks for your comments, and I guess you’re right on your first count. And yes I should not count all Christians as the crazed kind we see far too often. I guess we both have the same problem, that stereotypes are often used to portray us. And as you seem to live as we do “live and let live” none of what I said was directed at you guys and should not be taken as such.

    Regarding your second point however I disagree. The kids in the anti-gay ad were no more than 6 years of age. The ad was filmed in two parts, their part and the part of the presenter. The children had no understanding, nor say in how their image was being used.

    The pro-homosexuality ad in contrast uses teenage children, who are able to reason and understand what their actions were being used for, and how they would be portrayed.

    Therefore, in my opinion, the two are worlds apart.

    Thanks again for taking the time to read AND to comment. All thoughts are appreciated.

  • JT, you get my vote for sure! The world would be a much nicer place if we all adopted the ‘live and let live’ philosophy. Frankly I just can’t see why people make such a big deal about our differences… you’ve got blue eyes, I have brown. So what.

  • Tyroga,
    Thank you for your honesty in this post. It was really enjoyable to read, except I do agree with Darren that Christians, and indeed all of us, deserve that “live and let live” mindset. Stereotypes are a difficult thing to look beyond, but it’s an important lesson to learn…a lesson I think I’m still learning!

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