I learn all I know about people through life and observation. I am one of those people who never fits in completely and kind of likes it just that way.
I feel it pushes me to excel – fearing personal rejection of my work and a push towards excellence, not always achieving it but pushing hard regardless.
I have often made it a goal in life to meet new people, see new things. A goal I never achieve due to the inner self wondering of what to say. Analysing everything before it comes out.
I think this may present me as non-spontaneous, milling the words in my head before they pass my lips – the moment is gone long before a sound is heard.
They say carpae deim – I ask: Isn’t Latin a dead language?
I am here at a developers conference, an air of confidence surrounds the scene. A confidence I do not share but wade through as I move around the attrium. I fear drowning slowly! Swallowed by those around me, disappearing into a void created by my mind.
“Hi”, It’s not a hard thing to say, but what comes next? One can worry or one can open his mouth and see what comes out.
Alternatively one can sit here writing this while meaningless banter goes on around him.
Perhaps tomorrow! This is a three day conference.
They say it is another day, but is it not just another segment? The journey through today will prepare me for tomorrow.
I shall slay the beast of loneliness first with my eyes, then with my heart. Only then will my lips part and utter the word my ears dread to hear; “Hello”.